If you know anything about mathematics education, you know that there are eight (8) teaching practices that guide how students engage with math concepts. My favorite one to teach with is using appropriate tools strategically. You wouldn’t use a ruler to draw a circle and you wouldn’t use a quadratic equation to find the circumference of a circle. If you’re not a math person, or a teacher, stick with me. I’m going somewhere. Over the past year, I spent a lot of time talking about and working on my own mental and emotional healing. Now, it’s really easy to talk about what you’ve learned, but application of the tools you’ve gained is where the challenges tend to come in. You have to know when to apply what tools to which situation. In my last post, “You can plan a pretty picnic, but….,” I talked about being a meteorologist, but in essence, I needed to determine whether or not the environment I was working in was toxic, and what was I going to do about it. A decision had to be made very quickly.

Soooooo………. (insert obnoxious drumroll)

I decided to walk away from my job in Philadelphia, take a break to rest, and seek other employment. I took two weeks off to recover and recenter my head space, and to find a position that would not only fit my needs, but would also alleviate stress by creating a necessary work-life balance. Let’s be real. As much as I would like to write/blog for a living, it is not paying the bills. After seeking and shuffling through other opportunities, including other positions in Philadelphia, positions back home in MS and in DC, I decided to join a Charter School network in DC where I could really flourish and make an impact. It’s a Prek3 – 5th grade school and I get to spend time and work with babies, just like I’ve always wanted. I handle all curriculum things around Preschool, supervise all assistant teachers, and lead the initiatives on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, which focus on the academic achievement of boys of color in relation to their white peers. It’s like this position was created for me in mind. During this period of struggle, I learned three (3) very important things about myself that have been poignant and a testament to growth by using the appropriate tools strategically.

I know how to seek advice and help in situations where I don’t always know the answers.

I’m used to being the answer guy. People come to me for advice because I ALWAYS HAVE THE ANSWERS (or so I thought.) After leaving my last job without knowing where I would land, I decided to make sure to seed sound advice from people in the school and my friend/family group. My leadership coach was very adamant about making sure I was making the right decision for me, and he let me know that he was supportive either way. When there is someone within the organization you work that both understands and validates your concerns, it’s a huge win for your mind. You don’t feel crazy when “other people see it, too.” The thoughts of fear and sheer terror of making a mistake in a situation like this would be detrimental, but my friends and family provided wise counsel on what to do and what my options were. Picking up your life and moving AGAIN isn’t an easy feat, and bitch, I was scared. I listened intently and spoke positive affirmations into the universe, praying daily that the right answer would come. I didn’t make any moves until I felt it was absolutely the right thing to do.

I know how to walk away from toxic environments.

In the past, I’ve been in spaces that were not the best places for me, and I lingered there for the sake of others. Not this time. I learned that I absolutely have the strength to walk away from situations that are not good for me or my health. That hospital stay was triggering. It shook me in a way that nothing else has before, and I knew that staying in that situation would only make things worse. It was not easy. I HATE feeling defeated or walking away from difficult situations. That part of me continued to rise up throughout this process. I kept looking for ways to make it work. I developed a plan to find new housing, find the right doctors and even look for jobs in Philadelphia that I could take, but nothing seemed to work out in my favor. The opportunities were just not aligning. I wanted to show grit and stick it out, but I remembered what happened the last time I was in an unhealthy space and what it did to me. So, after 2 months, I decided to walk away and choose myself. The peace that hit me when I packed up my U-Haul was one that I had not felt in a long time.

I’ve chosen the right people to be connected to.

Making decisions like this is hard. There are people who will tell you anything because they don’t want to hear about your struggles, or aren’t invested in your happiness or success. Leaving Philadelphia was difficult because I love the city. The same people who were happy to see me venture into something new, were also there when I thought it wasn’t going to work. The saw me struggle to make a connection to the city because work was hard and I couldn’t settle myself. They listened to me vent without judgement and heard all the wild stories about how terrible the employment situation was. When it all came down to it, every person reminded me that my health and happiness mattered, and they would support whatever decision I made, but advised me to be specific about the things I wanted. It’s been so dope that at this stage of my life, I have such amazing people who continually encourage me to be the best version of myself, and not risk my own well-being for the sake of someone else’s benefit. People put their own personal feelings aside, and encouraged me to do the thing that would bring me peace of mind and protect my health. I’m forever indebted.

Now, I know this seems a little fairytale-ish, but with great risk comes an even greater reward. In a two month span, I left DC and moved to Philly for a job, then came back to DC for a different job. This the shit that dreams are made of, especially in my field. The landscape of education is so political. Finding a job can be super tough, but things worked out favorably and I’m so grateful that they did. I will say this. We have the power to make our lives as great as we want them to be. If there are things in your life that aren’t good for you, you can choose to end them. You can choose to walk away from toxic situations. You can choose yourself. You can choose who you allow in your circle. Life begins to teach you valuable lessons about the energies you keep in contact with. When those energies drain you more than they uplift you, remove yourself. Stop choosing toxic friends over your own well-being. Stop choosing your job over your mental and physical health. If something happens to you, your toxic friends and that job will find someone to replace you, like you never existed. Not to brag or anything, but I’m celebrating the growth that I’ve made in these areas, and looking forward to even more growth to come.

Keep healing, heaux. 2020 is almost here. We still got work to do.