The Gift of Gratefulness…

The holiday seasons are often opportunities for me to remember how fortunate I am to have been given life and to be surrounded by love. I recently got to spend so much time with my nephew Jordan (pictured below) and it reminded me how important those little things are. There are so many little things that I’m grateful for and so many huge things that I will always remember over this year.

In December of 2017, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I went home last Christmas and saw that my father had lost about 60 pounds. I’ve never seen him so small. He felt frail and defeated. He’d been going to the same doctor for the past 25 years and they were doing very little to help him figure out why his body was going through such a dramatic change. I saw him lose faith and say things like he was “wasting away” and no one could figure out what to do. At the beginning of 2018, he went to the ER on his own accord, which is something that is super rare for him and they sent him home with no diagnosis or explaination, so we decided to get a second opinion and change his doctor. From there, we learned that we could have sued for malpractice, and my father’s blood levels were too low for him to even do blood work. My mom and his new doctor worked to get him healthy enough for labs and we found out he had cancer.

When a loved one gets sick, it can be really devastating, but this was my dad. He was invincible. I immediately reverted to a childhood stance. I wept for days and was shaken up for months. I was scared that every call I got from home at that point, would be “the call” and I attempted to avoid it for months. I know my mom needed help with his chemo and transporting him to appointments, and I felt guilty everytime I spoke to here because I wasn’t there to help. I was angry with myself for moving away and choosing my own ambition over the unforeseen needs of my family. Sometimes I still feel that and think about moving closer to home.

But… Fast forward to today….

On the 14th of December, my father celebrated his 65th birthday and I was there to celebrate with him, which is when he made the surprise announcement. As of December 10, 2018, my father is cancer free. I saw a man, who turned away food constantly, order an appetizer, salad, potato, and a steak. He has started to gain his energy and appetite back. It’s been a joyous reminder that things turn around and can get better, especially when you keep a positive outlook. I still blame myself sometimes for things that have happened and for not being there. I want to be a better son. I want to stop worry from allowing me to be a bigger part of their lives. I want to curb my anxiety and work on being present in times when I’m needed. I’m appreciative and grateful that he’s still here for me to continue working on those things. In this season of gratefulness, I intend to do just that.