Recently, I was listening to a song that struck a very powerful memory for me. PJ Morton was on the radio singing “Mountains and Molehills” and it took me back to 9 years ago when I made the trek to Maryland in my father’s truck with $600 in my pocket that I had borrowed from him. I drove through the mountains, through snow and actually lost control of the vehicle at some point in Tennessee. It was such a terrifying experience, but later that night, I made it to Silver Spring, Maryland, hopeful and ready to start my new job.

The nine years that I have been in this area, have been a testament to what it truly means to just try. Gmail let me know that I was close to exhausting the space in my google account and needed to do something to free up space. As I was siphoning through and deleting some 18,000 emails, I stumbled across notes and reminders to myself of where this journey started and how I got to where I am. In Augusts of 2011, I began to apply for my Maryland teaching certificate, knowing that it was a good place to start if I was ever going to find a job in this area. I remember the transcripts and employment verifications I sent in my original packet and how excited I was when I got my first email and account information to check the status, as the process began. To be clear, I had 3 friends in Maryland that I met via social media, and no family whatsoever, so the move was strictly because I wanted more for myself. As a teacher in Mississippi with 6 years of experience and over 20 graduate credits towards a Master’s Degree, I was only making about 36k a year. This was my first year starting salary of 32k. As a divorced, newly single person, it was enough to get by and squeaked me right past the poverty line, but it would never be enough to fulfill any dream I had. I was online searching jobs everyday in Maryland, specifically PG County because the pay scale would put me close to 20k more than I was making in Mississippi. I waited patiently for my certification to be approved and the process took so long, but in November of 2011, I was finally granted a Maryland teaching license, which fueled my desire to get out as quickly as I possibly could. What people also didn’t know is, earlier that year I found out I was HIV+ and my direct supervisor had told a few of my coworkers. My principal was also in constant violation of my civil rights and it got to a point that I had reached out to the EEOC to file a formal complaint. It was one thing to work as hard as I did, but to be subjected to this was only adding insult to injury.

In December of 2011, I got my first interview at a PG County school. A music teacher position opened up and I flew out to Maryland without a second thought. I stayed with my friends, Mitchell and Aaron, and took off work for a few days to make sure I could spend time looking for a place in the event that I was offered a position. The morning of the interview, I walked outside to my rental car and found that another car had slammed into mine during the overnight snowfall, and I immediately panicked. The driver was luckily still outside and had contacted the police, so I had to wait for the rental car company to send a tow truck, so I could rent another vehicle. I had to call the school and rescheduled the interview. They kept asking me, “are you really here or are you still in Mississippi?” which I thought was hilarious, but the secretary, Nashingda, was very patient and let me explain my situation and I was able to reschedule for later that afternoon. 6 hours later, I did a demo lesson and interview with the school based team and received an offer, contingent upon me passing a music evaluation at central office, which consisted of sight reading, playing keyboard, and a timed quiz. That keyboard part would be my downfall, and I failed brilliantly, so I couldn’t get the job. I called the principal and told her and she was so disappointed. The secretary called me back the next day and said, “hey wouldn’t you rather teach 2nd grade reading?” Mind you, I left Mississippi teaching 10th grade English, so the thought of teaching 2nd graders scared me, but I was like fuck it. Let’s go. Within an hour the principal called me and offered me the job, and I went to the school to get my signed contract to take to central office for approval. Now, if I’m nothing else, a bitch is prepared, so I had all my hiring documents, birth certificate, social security card, transcripts, certificate number and all that shit. Sis looked at me and told me the salary I qualified for and I almost shit my pants when I looked at the number. I had never even seen a salary like that for a Mississippi teacher, unless they had been teaching for 25+ years and had a doctorate degree. I did my fingerprints that day, and by 2:00, I knew my start date and my login information for the district’s information systems site. I came back and celebrated with my friends and literally was glowing at the idea of finally making something I really wanted to happen finally come true. 

The hardest part would be telling my family and actually preparing for the move because I had spent most of my money on airfare and rent for that month. Teachers in MS still get paid once a month, so I wouldn’t see a check until the end of January from my current position. Without a second thought, I sent my resignation to the principal and went into the district office to fill out any remaining paperwork. Then I told my parents, who initially didn’t believe me until the day I told everyone at Christmas. I did what I could to save and scrape up any money, even asking to borrow money from family and family friends. My parents didn’t understand why I wanted to move so far away, and how I could just do it on a whim, with little to no preparation. It’s not that they were mad. They were nervous about me going to a strange place, knowing no one, and not being able to get to me when they needed to. My dad eventually lent me money, along with some other family members, despite me not being able to pay it back on time. He also lent me his truck. I loaded up everything I could from my apartment into my dad’s truck and hit the road on New Year’s Day. My first official day at work was on January 3, 2012.

Listen, I’m not even gone lie to y’all. The first three years of living up here were absolute hell. I was broke a lot and doing everything I could to gain footing. There were several times I wanted to give up and say fuck this, and move back home, but I couldn’t do it. I got evicted from an apartment, had to give up my car because I couldn’t pay the note, had a car completely give out on me and moved around so much, I can’t even remember what my first address was. I was here with no family, and constantly begging for money from my parents, and it put a huge strain on our relationship because communication wasn’t great and I was really struggling to find myself in the midst of all this. I was in a dark place. I tried to commit suicide a few times because of depression, and the struggle was trying to take me under. I wanted to be a person my family could accept, but that came with a litany of struggles. But, around that 4th year, things started to look up. My job really began paying off. I was gaining experience that I never got in MS and there were so many more opportunities available. By the time 2016 rolled around, I was making double my previous Mississippi salary, finishing up my Master’s degree and really hitting a stride. I had been promoted 3 times in 4 years, and 2016 landed me the job I had wanted for so long. My outlook changed and I realized that I literally could make it as an adult in a new place because I built a strong community of people around me who supported me like family, and I refused to give up when the odds were stacked skyscraper-high around me. 

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As I remember this journey, I remember the bridge of PJ’s song and it reminds me of why building a village during a huge transition is so important  He says:

“If there’s ever a time you’re doubting, I’ll be right here to encourage you

If you feel like you’re falling, then just take my hand

I’ll pick you up and show you, it’s not as bad as what it seems.”

To this day, I’m not sure if I would have made it without my village, but I also understand that if I hadn’t decided to take the leap, I wouldn’t be in the position that I’m in today. I can help my parents if they need it. Shit, I currently pay their phone bills, cause I remember the moments when I couldn’t pay mine, and they stepped into help. I’m here, in this place today because of others and I owe them my everything. If you are considering chasing a dream, making a move, or plotting something big, I dare you to go for it. I dare you to plan out your vision and start taking steps to make it happen. Start the business. Launch the thing. Move away from home. Publish the book. Release the music. Build your brand. Do your thing. I know it’s scary, and my story lets you know how scary it can be, but I promise you’ll be richer for the experience. Now, whenever I listen to this song, I remember the struggle, but I continue to celebrate the triumph. Thanks, PJ.